Why is it that October always has a) beautiful weather, and b) many things going on in it? I took an afternoon walk today, just for fun, for the first time in forever. I live in a beautiful neighborhood, with interesting people having political arguments next to houses growing front yards of cacti and coffee shops containing more dogs than people. I always wonder how they have so much time on a Sunday -- don't they have to do work for tomorrow? And then I realize that while they may have work tomorrow, they probably don't use the weekends to catch up. Anyway, it was gorgeous outside: the air was crisp, the sky was blue, the clouds were fluffy, the flowers were blooming (hey, this is California), and the bay was visible in the distance. October weather always makes me turn inward, as if there's something in the air that whispers, "Fall is coming, batten down the hatches, focus." It makes me pensive and reflective.
This summer was so incredible, seeing A, J, S, B, M, and of course, that one good fortune I mentioned before. Getting engaged has brought a host of feelings and thoughts along with it, not the least of which are joy and gratitude. But sometimes strong emotions are the most difficult to describe, so I'll leave that be and think about it quietly.
This summer was full of friends and family, and it was amazing to get back in touch with them. One of my friends moved from the UK to Canada recently, and while I realize that it's not super close, it feels far closer. I've grown up moving around my whole life, so I do have a skewed sense of distance. I'm so grateful to people who are willing to travel all the way out here to visit! It's not easy and I realize that, but it means so much. Then again, my family and friends are scattered far and wide, but they are just as close to me as if they lived next door. I guess I'm realizing that maintaining close friendships across great distances is not only possible, but will probably be the norm for me throughout life. And more than ever before, I'm okay with it.
Our semester has been pretty intense. Alzheimer's, cancer, autoimmune diseases -- all our paper cases have been a little bit hard to deal with, because it's just one after another and I can't talk to the person, since it's "just" a case. But these diseases are real, I know real people who have to live with them, and I don't think we give ourselves a chance to recover sometimes. We are also doing inpatient psychiatry right now, and there are depths of suffering there which are invisible from the outside. The human mind plays the darkest tricks on us sometimes. I think the combination of the emotional and medical is getting everyone down a little bit. I'm lucky because I love fall so much that at least I have that to bolster me. And my loved ones, who are wonderful.
The other thing that's going on is my thesis. I emailed my committee yesterday with a timeline, and the first deadline is almost impossible. I don't know why I am sticking with it, other than that I'm stubborn and I really want this thesis done and out of the way! But it means that from now until the end of the month, I'm going to be coding interviews nonstop, which is tedium defined.
Lastly, many of my friends are feeling down. Why is everyone feeling bad at the same time? Is it seasonal? Is it educational? (The margin of error in med school is small enough that when life gets to be tough, the whole thing gets overwhelming.) Is it a quarter-life crisis? Is it just a coincidence? At least three people have explained that part of it is finding a mate -- they feel as though it's just not going to happen (these are brilliant, young, attractive people of both genders, btw). But two other people I also care about are not having that particular thought, they're just not happy. So if you're feeling low right now, I'm sending you hugs.
The sun is almost setting now, so I should get back to it. But the sunset will be beautiful. They always are near large bodies of water. I will never, ever get tired of sunsets. I wish I could fly, just at sunset, so I could be surrounded by pink and orange light at 1,000 feet. Wouldn't it be amazing to be in the sunset? And then to just go home and get on with life as if nothing had happened.
Next up: a cup of tea and some good old-fashioned work.
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